Personality - Mental Disorders
Every one of us has our own set of problems, fears, insecurities, or issues. This is a normal part of being human. Unfortunately we sometimes encounter people in our life that need a little more than just a shoulder to lean on or an ear to hear them. They need to be seeking out professional help and therapy.
It scares and saddens me when I do a reading for a client and I hear things like..."Well I love him. He/she has only cheated on me once, twice (3-4-5 times, whatever) and he says he is sorry and I know he wants to change." or "Well he/she gets a little angry at me and yells and blames me for the relationship problems and I do need to try harder." or "He/she says that they love me, but they don't call me or want to see me for weeks on end...what does that mean?" or "I will do anything to get him/her back!"
My point is there are times when I feel a person really needs to sit down and evaluate what is going on in the relationship. You need to stop making excuses for the other person or your own bizarre behaviors. You yourself may suffer from a personality disorder. You need to see your partner as they really are, not as you hope they will evolve to. Personality disorders are a real problem that all your love and understanding is not going to fix. The partner that suffers from a personality disorder can truly cause a lot of pain to the person loving them as well as to themselves. It can cause the person loving the personality disorder partner to become engulfed in denial, depression, anxiety and a myriad of other negative states of being. It is a complicated emotionally devastating cycle once it begins, sometimes leaving the once healthy partner with borderline personality disorders of their own!
Ask yourself some of these questions:
- "Am I the one doing all the work?"
- "Are my needs being met? I.e.: trust, security, independence, personal growth."
- "Am I constantly putting my life on hold waiting for my partner to get their life together?"
- "Am I putting a financial drain on myself because of my partner?"
- "Am I isolating myself from others because they tell me my partner is not worth waiting for?"
- "Am I sad and lethargic all the time and constantly focused on what my partner is doing or not doing?"
If you can say yes to even one of these questions, I feel there is a need to put the relationship on hold and do some soul-searching within yourself. You may not necessarily love a person with a personality disorder, but you certainly don't love yourself enough! There is nothing wrong with being loving and giving as long as it is to someone that can reflect that back to us. That is the nature of true love.
I do feel people need to educate themselves on the signs and symptoms of personality disorders and how to cope with the partner that suffers it and how to keep themselves from becoming caught up and trapped by the situation. Knowledge can equal freedom and personal growth if you USE that knowledge to empower yourself.
The other side of this coin is to be careful when reading about the different personality disorders that exist. In every personality disorder, there are signs and symptoms that can apply to all of us. It can be easy to jump to quick conclusions about the person in question and see their problems as bigger than what they are. I feel the way to gauge the depth of disorder is again, your own feelings.
If you find yourself feeling uneasy, sad, abandoned by your partner, abused in any way, please take the time to follow some of these links to read more on personality disorders
Mental Help Net : This site lists 10 personality disorders, their symptoms and how to seek more information and help. This site also has information on alcohol addiction, depression, anxiety disorders, and much more.
Joy to You and Me : This site is maintained by Robert Burney, the author of "Co-dependence: Dance of the Wounded Soul". This is one of the staple books in my list I recommend everyone read. This man is incredible and profound in his knowledge and ability to cover the whole topic of co-dependence. I feel co-dependence is one of the bi-products of personality disorders.
Suicidal.com : I know this sounds like a drastic site and most of you would never consider such a drastic action, but I feel it doesn't hurt to understand what people who do become this hopeless experience.